Story #6
- the one who keeps learning and growing
Mom E
Based in Hongkong, China
*This story is based on a recorded conversation. It has been lightly edited for clarity and flow, with direct quotes preserved to reflect the speaker’s voice.
My Story
Q 1 : Before becoming a mom, what dreams or goals did you have for life and your career?
I majored in weak-current electrical engineering during my undergraduate studies. After graduation, I used my spare time to pursue a second bachelor’s degree in accounting, and later went on to get a master’s degree in communications.
I just felt that before having children, I should try my best to improve myself and learn as much as I could. Because once you have kids, you have to take care of them, and there won’t be much time left for yourself.
Q 2 : Before becoming a mom, what was your impression of motherhood?
Before I became a mom myself, I used to joke with my husband, saying that I’d only be responsible for giving birth — not for taking care of the baby every day. I always felt that taking care of kids was too much of a waste of time, and that being a mom would definitely be exhausting and very busy.
My husband would always play along and say, “Sure, you just give birth and I’ll raise the child.” This impression mostly came from observing people around me — relatives, friends, acquaintances. I was actually a bit resistant to the idea of being a mother, and didn’t want to become one too soon.
Q 3 : After becoming a mother, what changes did you notice in your mindset, your priorities, or daily life?
After giving birth in the year 2000, my mindset became completely different from before. I just wanted to be with my daughter all the time. I went from not liking children at all to really loving them.
My whole life began to center around the child — the entire family’s daily routine was organized around her.
Q 4 : If you have more than one child, how was your experience different with each?
I have two children. Seven years after my daughter was born, I saw many friends around me having a second child, so I decided to have a son as well. Raising a boy was completely different from raising a girl. With my son, it was pretty much a hands-off approach — he could eat whatever he liked, and if he didn’t like something, I wouldn’t force him.
When it came to studying, he arranged everything himself. I never pushed him to learn anything specific. I respected his choices — and the outcome was unexpectedly easy for me. He managed all his affairs on his own, thoroughly and well. So, I feel that during a child’s growth, respecting their choices is extremely important. It benefits both the child and the parent.
Q 5:Did becoming a mother affect your career development or work goals? (For example: switching jobs, slowing down, changing fields, or growing in new areas?)
Becoming a mother didn’t have much impact on my career development or professional goals. When I had my first child, I was working at a foreign-owned enterprise and was able to take standard maternity leave. Of course, after the leave ended, I had to return to work as usual, and during the day, my child had to be cared for by the grandparents.
By the time I had my second child, I had already left the foreign company and joined my own business. So my schedule became more flexible, and I was able to spend more time taking care of my son during those important 0–3 years.
Q 6: Do you feel that your financial independence was affected after becoming a mom? If so, in what way?
After becoming a mom, I don’t think my financial independence was affected in any significant way. My first child was born in 2000, and at that time, I was working at a foreign company where the salary was higher than average.
Through my own efforts, I earned a master’s degree in communications and transferred from the production department to the R&D department — both my salary and benefits improved. The key still lies in your own ability and the value you bring to the company. It doesn’t have that much to do with whether or not you’re a mother.
Q 7: Do you think your parenting style is different from the way your parents raised you? (For example: more laid-back? Or more serious?)
Each generation has its own parenting style. The circumstances are different, and the economic foundation is different too. I think our parents’ goal back then was simply to keep us fed and clothed. Sometimes they were so busy with work that they’d just leave us at home with some food, and that was considered enough.
But our generation invests way more energy and money into raising children — especially the first child. Grandparents from both sides would come help out — the kids were basically “raised in arms.” After weaning, they would switch to formula, and keep drinking it until they didn’t want it anymore. If we could afford it, we’d send them to the best kindergartens, elementary schools, middle schools, and high schools. The level of investment in education is far greater than what our parents gave us.
Q 8: After becoming a mother, did your interactions with people around you change?
After becoming a mom, I found it easier to connect with people. Even when there’s nothing else to talk about, talking about kids is always a go-to topic. Especially when chatting with other young parents — there’s never a shortage of things to discuss. When to get vaccines, what extracurriculars to sign up for, what school to attend, what major to choose — there’s always something to talk about.
Q 9: If you could say one thing to other mothers, what would it be?
If I could say one thing to other mothers, it would be this: Respecting your child is extremely important throughout their growth. A child is never just an extension of their parents — they’re independent individuals. You must respect their thoughts. If you disagree, have open communication. Don’t try to force your child to follow your will through authoritarian parenting. If the parents “win,” the child may end up living an unhappy life. But if the child “wins,” they may grow up to be confident and full of joy.
Q 10: Is there anything you’d like to say to young women who may become mothers in the future?
For young women who may become mothers someday, I would say: Before becoming a mom, first equip yourself well — learn more skills, enrich yourself, go out and explore, and fully enjoy your own time. Of course, don’t be afraid of becoming a mother. The joy children bring during their growth far outweighs the hardships. You will feel your life being extended through theirs and experience the joy of growing together. Sometimes it’s the child who makes the parent — they teach us tolerance, patience, and love. We should be grateful for everything our children bring us — the opportunities and the journey itself.
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-Emily Shao
