Her story matters
Story #12
- the one who found joy in the chaos
Mom T
Based in Hangzhou
*This story is based on a recorded conversation. It has been lightly edited for clarity and flow, with direct quotes preserved to reflect the speaker’s voice.
My Story
Q 1 : What was your life like before becoming a mother?
Before becoming a mother, I was career-driven and highly focused on my work.
I believed that through hard work and persistence, I could build a better life — not just for myself, but for my entire family.
There was a deep sense of responsibility pushing me forward — I wanted to provide, to protect, and to create a stable future for the people I loved.
My life at that time was centered around achieving goals, meeting expectations, and staying on track. I found pride and meaning in being a capable professional and a reliable daughter, partner, or sibling.
Looking back now, I realize that even before motherhood, my sense of “care” and “giving” had already taken root — it simply hadn’t yet extended to a child of my own.
Q 2 : How has becoming a mother changed your mindset, priorities, or daily life?
When I had my first child, I was busy with work and still quite young.
At the time, I thought it would be easier if my child was cared for by my mother back in our hometown. I was focused on my career, and I assumed this arrangement would give me the flexibility I needed.
But over time, I began to realize how little time I was actually spending with my child — and how that lack of presence might be affecting their development in more ways than I expected.
The guilt and regret slowly sank in, and it became clear to me that no amount of material stability could replace emotional connection and presence.
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So when I had my second child, I made a very different choice.
No matter how busy I was, I made sure to carve out time to be with them — to be truly present.
It wasn’t always easy, juggling responsibilities and fighting off exhaustion, but in the process, I also experienced a kind of joy and closeness that I had missed the first time around.
Yes, it was tiring — but it was also deeply rewarding.
Q 3 : Has becoming a mother affected your career development or professional goals?
Family support is one of the most important factors that allows a mother to balance career and caregiving.
No matter how capable or determined a mother is, it’s incredibly difficult to do everything alone.
When family members — whether it's a spouse, grandparents, or others — step in to share the load, it creates space for the mother to breathe, grow, and even dream beyond survival.
It’s not just about practical help, but about emotional backing — the feeling that someone has your back when you need to fall, and celebrates with you when you rise.
Q 5: How does your parenting approach differ from how your parents raised you?
Nowadays, we take parenting much more seriously than when we were children ourselves.
Back then, things were often more relaxed or left to chance — kids figured things out as they went.
But as parents now, we read more, plan more, and pay closer attention to every stage of our children’s development.
There’s also a lot more conversation around parenting. I find myself talking about children-related topics far more often than I ever expected — with friends, colleagues, even acquaintances.
Whether it's about education, emotional development, or just daily routines, raising children has become something we’re constantly exchanging ideas and experiences about.
Q 6: What would you like to say to women who may become mothers in the future?
I’ve learned that I can only be a better mother when I’m taking care of myself, too.
When I feel fulfilled and centered, I can offer my children the best version of me — not just my time, but my energy, calm, and joy.
Your Voice Matters
What part of this story resonates with you?
Would you like to share your own voice—or someone else’s?
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Let’s keep building this archive of mother-identities together.
Submit Your Story
at the bottom of "story 1"
-Emily Shao
