Story #3
- the one who embraced change like a boss!
Elena Li
Education Counselor, China
*This story is based on a recorded conversation. It has been lightly edited for clarity and flow, with direct quotes preserved to reflect the speaker’s voice.
My Story
Q 1 : What was your life like before becoming a mother? How has your mindset changed after becoming one?
"Before I became a mother, I was actually a very live-in-the-moment person," Elena reflects.
"I didn’t think too much. I didn’t have big dreams or long-term plans. I just felt happy every day and enjoyed the simple things."
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Her daily joys were small but meaningful.
"I used to really like watching talk shows, or eating street food. It was nothing grand, but it made me happy. Now that I have kids, some of those things feel less appropriate or harder to do."
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Though motherhood shifted some of her routines, she doesn’t feel she sacrificed major dreams.
"I don’t feel like I gave up my dreams because of becoming a mom," she says. "But yes, of course, my time arrangements and priorities have changed."​
"After becoming a mom, my whole decision-making process changed," Elena says.
"Before, I made choices more based on my own feelings or mood. But now, everything revolves around my family—my kids, my husband, and our home."
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She finds herself becoming more intentional in every aspect of life.
"I’m much more focused on long-term planning and stability. It’s not like before where I could be spontaneous. Now, I always think about how my decisions affect my family’s future."
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For her, motherhood didn’t just bring more responsibilities — it also brought a new kind of purpose.
"I feel like I’ve grown into someone who plans ahead more. That sense of responsibility was something I didn’t really have before."
Q 2 : How has your own mother influenced the way you approach motherhood?
"Growing up, my mom was very dedicated and made a lot of sacrifices for me," Elena reflects.
"She gave me so much love, but at the same time, I could feel the weight of her expectations."
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As China’s one-child policy shaped their family dynamic, Elena always sensed the intensity of being her mother’s only child.
"Because of the one-child policy, I was her everything. I knew she gave up a lot for me, and I appreciated it, but I also felt a kind of pressure because of that."
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Those childhood experiences now inform how she raises her own children.
"With my kids, I want to love them unconditionally, but not turn my love into something that feels like a burden for them."
She hopes her children will grow up feeling safe and supported, but also free to pursue their own identities.
"I want them to see me as someone who loves them deeply — but who also has her own life, passions, and space."
Q 3 : Some People worry that they will lose their individuality after becoming a mom. What do you think?
"Balancing individuality and motherhood is a constant challenge," Elena admits.
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"Sometimes, I reflect on my own relationship with my mom, and I don’t want to repeat that same kind of pressure."
She is mindful that while her children are deeply loved, they shouldn’t feel overwhelmed by that love.
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"I want my children to grow up knowing they are loved unconditionally, but also seeing that I have my own passions and pursuits."
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Maintaining personal space, even while raising children, has become one of her core parenting values.
"I remind myself not to lose my own identity in motherhood. My goal is for them to feel supported, but not to carry the weight of my expectations."
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In many ways, motherhood has taught her to protect not just her children’s emotional freedom — but her own as well.
Q 4 : In what ways have your children influenced your own personal growth?
"My children constantly show me how different their thoughts and needs are from my own," Elena reflects.
"They challenge me to step outside of my own thinking and see the world through their eyes."
This dynamic has reshaped not just her parenting, but also her work and relationships with others.
"They’ve taught me to empathize more — to pause, listen, and consider how someone else might feel, even if it’s very different from my own perspective."
The lessons she learns at home extend into her professional life.
"It’s made me a better colleague and teacher. I try to communicate with students and coworkers by first understanding where they’re coming from, not just where I’m standing."
Through her children, she’s discovered that parenting isn’t just about raising someone else — it’s about constantly reshaping yourself as well.
Q 5: How do you see cultural expectations shaping motherhood today?
"In China, even as society evolves, many traditional expectations remain deeply rooted," Elena reflects.
"There’s still a lingering belief that women should prioritize family above all else."
Historically, women were often expected to sacrifice their own dreams for family stability.
"Women have long carried the brunt of family responsibilities, often giving up personal and professional goals."
While she acknowledges that progress has been made, the path toward real balance remains incomplete.
"I do see more opportunities for women now — more choices. But the journey to achieving true balance is still ongoing."
These cultural undercurrents make her even more intentional about how she raises her own children — especially her daughter.
"I want her to know that she can be both ambitious and deeply connected to family — that she doesn’t have to choose one over the other."
Q 6: What kind of support system have you had along the way?
"I’ve been fortunate to have a relatively flexible and understanding workplace, especially after having my children," Elena shares.
Her work environment allowed her some space to balance motherhood and career.
"They were accommodating, and that flexibility made it easier for me to manage both my roles."
But even while feeling grateful, she remains aware that many mothers are not as lucky.
"I know not everyone has this privilege. Many of my peers struggle to balance work and family, often without enough support from society or their employers."
Her reflections on this gap make her more conscious of the importance of systemic change.
"We need more structures that truly support women as both professionals and mothers — not just at the individual level, but across society."
Q 6: Looking back, what has motherhood meant for you?
"Despite all the challenges, motherhood has brought me immense joy and growth," Elena reflects with warmth.
"Seeing my children smile, hearing their laughter, and watching them explore the world fills my heart with happiness."
Even in the most exhausting moments, these simple joys bring her back to the beauty of parenting.
"These little moments remind me why it’s all worth it — even when it’s hard."
Beyond happiness, motherhood has made her more introspective and empathetic.
"I approach life with a deeper understanding of balance — not only for myself, but for my children too."
"Parenting is demanding, but it is also profoundly rewarding. It has made me more reflective, more compassionate, and taught me to grow alongside my children."
Your Voice Matters
What part of this story resonates with you?
Would you like to share your own voice—or someone else’s?
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-Emily Shao
